Home About Fawn Fawn's Blog Books Speaking Press Clips Contact Fawn       Fawn's Blog     Climbing out of Rut… By Fawn Germer Years ago, the argument for my inertia was strong: I had a secure job, decent pay, good health insurance, five weeks of vacation, the best friends I’d ever had. On top of all of that, I got to live in glorious Colorado. My argument for change was rather short: I was in a rut and was unhappy at work. Someone wanted to hire me in Florida. The job looked good, the pay looked fine and I’d be near my family. But, I couldn’t seem to take the leap. One of my mentors told me: “Don’t let security be your dangerous anchor.” And then, she said it again. “If you aren’t doing something,” she said, “you’re doing nothing.” I took the job and never looked back as I created a new life of challenge and adventure, quickly learning that change is nothing to fear. Ruts are comfortable and comforting. We know what to expect of our outside world, but there isn’t much cause to challenge ourselves. Our measurement of what we accomplish tomorrow is too often based on old goals that have lost their significance. How often do you celebrate the goals you have reached, then take a moment to dream a little larger? Don’t measure yourself against the expectations of others, and don’t focus on competing against your peers. What do you want for your life? More money, more time, more freedom, more wisdom, more credentials, more perks, more love, more adventure? Know yourself, and measure yourself against your own dreams. Don’t fear change – seek it out. Don’t let security be your dangerous anchor. The Ten Tell Tale Signs that you are in a Rut 1. You aren’t having fun 2. You aren’t challenged 3. You enjoy your job less and less 4. You don’t feel like talking about your work with your friends and family 5. You are smarter than your bosses 6. You keep reminding yourself of the good attributes of your job, and they all have to do with “golden handcuffs” – good pay, benefits and time off 7. You can predict your future and it looks exactly like your present 8. People say, “Are you still working there?” 9. You are jealous whenever someone “climbs over the wall” and quits 10. You feel stuck Connect, but carefully By Fawn Germer I once asked my now ex-husband if he wanted to go out for dinner with the girls. “No thanks,” he said. “You all get together and talk about things like … growth.” Well, yeah. That’s the beauty of being a woman. We connect. We get to know each other deeply and we support each other in our personal and professional networks. Is there anything more validating than glancing at a friend and seeing that she has picked up on your sudden feeling of frustration or anger doubt – without you having to even say a word? I would never have had the courage to conquer my obstacles without my friends cheering and pushing me from the sidelines. But, I have to admit I have trusted a few women who never deserved that trust. This is a stumbling block for many, many women in professional environments. Sometimes our willingness to so freely connect makes us vulnerable. If I stand in front of an audience and ask, “How many of you have been stabbed in the back by another woman?” almost every hand will go up. I usually follow-up by asking, “How many of you confronted the woman?” Only a few hands will rise. That is the downside to our connections. Some of us trust too easily and reveal too much, which can put us in extremely vulnerable positions – especially if we award our trust in a competitive work environment. We expect more from women because we feel like we give more. When we are hurt by another woman, we are often too hurt or afraid to look her in the eye and ask for an explanation or say that we didn’t like it. It seems easier to grouse about it with other co-workers than it does to go directly to the source of the conflict and say, “Why did you do that?” But, when we say nothing, we condone the betrayal. Confrontation is tricky business and should be handled as diplomatically as possible. The person must know you are watching so it doesn’t happen again. You don’t want to be messed with. You aren’t a victim. Network and connect freely, but be careful who you count as your friend. The friends you have are priceless. Just know who they really are. Liberating yourself By Fawn Germer The last day at my job in Denver was especially memorable because one of my colleagues confided, “You are so lucky to be getting out of this place. I’ve been so miserable for the last ten years here that I can’t stand to come in. I feel sick every time I walk in the door.” “You’ve got to get out of here,” I urged. But she never did. Eight years later, she is still working at the same job for the same abusive boss -- and it is tragic. Another decade and she can retire with what has to be the worst pension in employment history. What a sad way to waste a life. She lacks the confidence to take charge of her destiny and instead sacrifices all the possibility her life holds in hopes that she can hang in there long enough to get a sheet cake and pension check. Plenty of people live like that. Extended misery is a choice from which you are always free to liberate yourself. Just cure yourself of your inaction. Most of us fear change, but change is the one thing that leads to greater opportunity and success. Make the decision over what you want, then figure out the steps you need to take. Check them off, one at a time, and don’t psyche yourself out of the unpleasant tasks because, if you just buck up, they don’t take much time. Think of how often you have put off doing your resume because it is such a pain. Well, how long does it really take? A couple of hours? A day? Just do it. Whether it is a resume or any other first step, just commit to the idea, then carry through one step at a time. Once you walk a little, you’ll be ready to run. But, you won’t go anywhere if you won’t put on your shoes. Daring to be extraordinary By Fawn Germer I once asked Nobel Peace Prize winner Jody Williams what separates an ordinary woman from an extraordinary woman. “The belief that she is ordinary,” she said. Simply profound and profoundly simple. The only thing that limits you – is you. Think you are average? You’ll be average. Think you can do anything? You can. Last night, I met a 22-year-old singer/musician who blew me and about 100 other people away with her voice. Afterwards, I asked her what her plan was for becoming famous. “Oh, I don’t want to be famous,” she said. “I just want to be able to make a living doing this.” “Shoot for the middle and that is where you will wind up,” I told her. People who don’t shoot for the top – the very top – often limit themselves because they fear making an enormous emotional and personal commitment, and ultimately falling short. Well, so what if you do? So what if you have big dreams and accomplish only 70 or 80 percent of what you’d hoped? You’ll still be far ahead of where you will be if you just aim for the middle and stay there. And, your experience will be so much more interesting. Achievement comes in trying what you are afraid to try. Achievement is not the ultimate success or failure of any attempt. It’s getting out there, getting dirty, trying your hardest and enjoying every aspect of the challenge. It’s expecting obstacles and conquering them. It’s recognizing and treasuring the support you get from people who love you and believe in you. Achievement is the knowledge that you are defining who you are every day, rather than letting the circumstances of life define that for you. The reward in all of this is that you are living your life.     Click here to read more     Click here to read more     Click here to read more           Copyright 2007 Fawn Germer. All rights reseved.