Home About Fawn Fawn's Blog Books Speaking Press Clips Contact Fawn       Press Clips     The Florida Times-Union Successful women share 'Wisdom' Tuesday, October 23, 2001 By Fawn Germer Special to the Times-Union Three years ago, I wondered whether it was me who had gone crazy, or everyone else in my office. The media kept shouting about all we were accomplishing as women, but there I was, feeling beaten up and worn down. I tried hard to be a strong woman, but inside, I felt weak. My book, Hard Won Wisdom (Penguin Putnam, $24.95), passes on their insight and advice so you and other women won't feel as isolated or frustrated as I once did. The uncertainty of what is going around us now has so many of us evaluating what really matters in life, and how we are going to live. These women answer that question. Early on, I told journalist Helen Thomas, "I keep getting told that I don't know my place." "What is your place?" she asked. "It's what you say it is, it's not what they say it is." With that, I became so much more comfortable with who I was. My place is right here, writing about how we, as women, can live bolder lives by answering that question for ourselves. What is your place? I have talked with hundreds of women who have told me that they are waiting for this or that to happen so they can finally be happy with their job or their relationship or their life in general. Some people sacrifice decades of living to fear and inertia. The day I left my job as a newspaper editor in Denver, a co-worker told me she'd spent the most miserable 12 years of her life there. I said, "Don't sacrifice any more of your life to waiting for everything around you to change when you have the power to change it for yourself." Nearly five years later, she's still sitting there in that sad world. What keeps her there may be the same thing that keeps you from plunging into uncertainty, switching jobs, leaving a bad relationship or trying to live a dream you've never realized. It's fear. We are afraid of risk. We don't want to fail. Yet, in dozens of interviews for Hard Won Wisdom, the one subject those women consistently raised on their own as the trait that brought them the greatest success was their ability to take risk. Underwater explorer Sylvia Earle understands why most people resist the kind of risk she embraces: "Many people resist risk and are only comfortable with the security of knowing, when they go to sleep at night, what the next day is going to be like," she said. "That's comforting. It's secure. And, living like that is a choice they are free to make. I recognize the importance most people place on having structure in their lives. ... Risk is a choice. It is the only way to test your potential." It's not that hard to do. Aida Alvarez, who led the Small Business Administration during the Clinton years, said, "People who are brave are scared. If they weren't scared, they wouldn't need to be brave. When you take a risk, you can fail. I don't care how successful you are. You feel that. I feel that every day. ... But, if you don't make mistakes, you are not taking risks. If you are not taking risks, you are not learning." And if you are not learning, you are not living. You have to look inside and find out what truly matters to you. I learned that lesson in this adventure of writing my book. When you are doing what you love -- what you truly love -- it is not work. Somewhere inside of you is that same kind of passion. A spark for something that matters to your soul. Look for it, embrace it and give it life. This journey has taught me how rich life becomes when you stop worrying about your title or the expectations other people might have for what you "should" do professionally or personally. There is such power in defining your own place in this world. The women I interviewed all teach something different, but collectively, they teach how to live life all out, in the moment, doing what truly matters to the soul. Jane Goodall shows how powerful one person can be. Cokie Roberts teaches you to stop trying to plan out your life, and just live it. Columnist Ellen Goodman shows how to frame an argument. Hewlett-Packard CEO Carly Fiorina teaches you to succeed on your terms, not everyone else's. Spiritual teacher Brooke Medicine Eagle guides you on balance and chilling out. All of the women in the book have tested their limits, regardless of their age, their past, their economic circumstances or their "baggage." Sometimes, we assume we are stuck when we aren't, or we think what we have is all we're going to get. We don't visualize ourselves doing extraordinary things because we are too caught up in our ruts and our beliefs that we are ordinary. We limit ourselves when we should push our limits. About a month ago, I was given the opportunity to try out as a columnist and on-air personality for a major national magazine. I didn't get that plum job. It was the kind of thing that, several years ago, would have made me wallow in rejection, but not any more. I just shrugged it off. I'm ready to swing at the ball and miss, just as long as I can get a few hits. The more I swing, the more I hit. If you are afraid to swing, you will never hit. And, if you miss, be creative! You can always regroup, brainstorm and find some other way to redefine and reach your goal. If something truly matters to you, you can make it happen. Don't get discouraged. Just find another way. Focus your vision. I learned a lot about that from Jody Williams, who won the Nobel Peace Prize for the crusade against deadly land mines. "Real vision is seeing the goal and going toward it without seeing the obstacles," she said. "The obstacles are just the challenge. People who don't achieve what they want to achieve see the obstacles instead of the goal. They stop before they ever start." Don't let that happen to you. Live your life all out and have fun. I asked Williams to tell me what separates an ordinary woman from an extraordinary woman. "The belief that she is ordinary," she said. That was the simplest, most profound truth I heard during all of the interviews I did for the book. Who we are, what we do and how we evolve is all up to us. We just have to see it in ourselves.     Click here to read more     Click here to read more     Click here to read more           Copyright 2007 Fawn Germer. All rights reseved.